I pick up the caulk gun and climb up on the chair to reach the casing above the door. I’m helping my dad remodel a house. He is a general contractor and prefers not to hire employees. The only hired help he uses, other than subcontractors, are his six children. I first learned how to caulk when I was 12 years old. I think about all the caulking jobs I’ve done. I think about how I used to hate working for my dad. My siblings and I were expected to work through the summer and on many of our days off from school. I hated waking up early and working all day in the hot sun in Hurricane. You would think there wasn’t much that a little girl could do on a construction job site, but my dad always found something for us to do.
We started out as the clean-up crew and laying out 2x4s for framing. When we could read the measuring tape, we would make cuts on the chop saw. When we were strong enough to man a nail gun, we were nailing walls as high as we could reach. We would lay out shingles on the roof, prep for concrete, and prep for paint. Part of prepping for paint was filling holes and caulking. It’s a terribly tedious job. I am a perfectionist and very detail-oriented, so naturally, prepping for paint became my job.
As I’m caulking the casing on the door, my thoughts turn to the latest remodel project that my dad is doing. I smile and let out a little squeal because this project means a lot to me. My dad bought a home in Cedar City, just down the street from SUU’s campus, where I will be going to college in a few weeks. I get to live in the house that we’re remodeling. Better yet, I get to manage it, so I don’t have to pay rent! I mentally go over the list of pros for going to SUU. I’m so excited I can barely stand it:
- I’m on the cheer team at SUU.
- I was accepted to be a Presidential Ambassador—only eight seniors were chosen out of hundreds—and they gave me a job on campus that will pay for my tuition.
- My cousin Brityn moved down from Salt Lake to be my roommate, and she’s on the track team at SUU.
- I will only be 45 minutes away from home. Far enough away that I can live on my own, but close enough that I can still go home when I want to.
The only con to my plan is my baby sister. My smile droops a little and my heart constricts as I think about being away from home right now. Mom is due to have baby #7 any day now. This baby is a wonderful surprise that’s coming 11 years after my parents thought they were done having kids. Mom’s 45th birthday is in a few weeks, and this pregnancy has rocked her world. But now the whole family is ecstatic to meet our baby sister. I love newborn babies so much, and it hurts my heart to think about not being there every day to watch her grow.
Again, I seriously consider not going to college right now. I could quit it all and stay home and work. I could help raise this precious baby sister. I sigh and remind myself that I’ve already committed to the college, the cheer team, and the Presidential Ambassadors—not to mention Brityn, who switched schools to come and be my roommate. With difficulty, I remind myself that my parents taught me to finish what I’ve committed to. Quitting isn’t an option, but sometimes I want to.
BATHED IN SUNLIGHT
My thoughts turn back to Brityn. She is currently at her first track practice. Brityn and I are both here for school a few weeks early to start track and cheer practice before the fall semester begins. It works out great because my dad and I are racing the clock to get the house ready for the other four girls to move in before school starts. I focus again on my caulking job and go over in my mind what I have left to do today. As I’m finishing the top of both sides of the door, I hear the back door open a few feet behind me. Brityn is back from track practice. Without turning around I say, “Hi love! How was track practice?”
Brityn says, “It was good! I brought a friend home with me.” I think, Oh, that’s fun, a new friend I turn around, expecting to see a girl, but what I see instead is a man standing in the doorway, bathed in sunlight. I instantly think Wow! He is beautiful!
It seriously feels like one of those scenes from a movie. You know when the guy sees the girl and the movie turns to slow motion, her hair blowing in the wind, she’s smiling at someone, and then slowly turns to look at him. That’s how it was—only in reverse. Time slows down so I can take a good look. I’m pretty sure my eyes are bugging out like in a cartoon.
The first thing I notice is his big, beautiful smile and straight white teeth. He is tall, and his hair is shaved short with sideburns. He is tan and his muscles—holy moly, his muscles. He is wearing a tank top so I can see his big shoulders and muscly arms, and to say I’m impressed would be a gross understatement.
I stare for a few seconds while Brityn introduces us. I’m not listening to what she’s saying because I’m too busy taking in the sight before me. The only thing I catch is his name—which I think she said is Brandon, but people call him Leo. What? I’m kind of confused, but I don’t have time to figure it out. Then, without thinking, I blurt out, “Hi love!”
Brandon looks a little startled. He chuckles and says hi back.
The look he gives me brings me back to reality. Ugh, what the heck was I thinking? I get embarrassed and turn around to keep working on the door casing. I’m suddenly very aware that I’m wearing my dad’s big t-shirt that’s covered in paint over my cheer spandex. I feel like a little girl wearing my dad’s shirt for pajamas again. My hair hasn’t been washed in a few days and is in a five-second bun. At least I put a little makeup on this morning. I also remind myself that I’m a teenager who just graduated high school. Granted, I recently turned 19 and I like to think I’m a mature teenager, but I’m still a teenager. Brandon is a mature man—a man who is totally and completely out of my reach.
Something in my life shifts though. I’ve never believed in love at first sight before, but now I understand where the sentiment comes from.
Brityn and Brandon chat for a few minutes. She shows him the house while I keep caulking, then Brandon leaves. As soon as he drives away, I track Brityn down to find out more about this guy. She says he’s going home to change, then he’s coming back to hang out and help us work. Well, isn’t that nice of him? She gives me the quick rundown:
- Brandon is her boyfriend’s friend, and they all did track together in high school.
- Brandon is four years older than us. After he graduated, he coached track at West Jordan for a few years, so that’s how he got to know Brityn so well.
- He was engaged to someone after high school but decided to go on a mission later, so he is 23 instead of 21 like most guys who leave at 19.
- He went to Texas on his mission and has only been home for six weeks.
- He is a decathlete at SUU, and javelin is his best event. So now they’re doing track together in college.
- And the last bit of information is important—she says he was interested in a mutual friend of theirs who wrote to him on his mission, but that didn’t work out, and he already has another girl he’s dating on the track team.
So… not single. Got it. Okay, so he’s much older than me and clearly a lady’s man. I don’t say anything to Brityn about my instant crush on her “older” hot friend. I’m just excited that he’s coming back to hang out with Brityn so I can see him again.
Brandon comes over to help us after track practice for the next few days. I soon find out that he is funny! On top of having a great body, a beautiful smile, and being so nice to help us work on the house—I just think he is the best. But I keep it all to myself for two reasons: one, he has a girlfriend, and two, I don’t think I stand a chance of capturing his attention. I’m just his friend’s cousin. That’s okay, I tell myself. I’ll just enjoy the fact that he comes to hang out with us. He makes us laugh a lot, and I love it when he tells stories or talks to me, so I can openly stare at him without feeling like a creeper. He has beautiful brown eyes that pull me in. I wish he would really look at me as a potential love interest, but I know it’s useless, so I keep my growing affections for him a secret.
A few days go by, and I’m touch-up painting in one of the bedrooms. We’re so close to getting the house ready for the other four girls to move in, but there is still plenty to do. Brityn gets home, and I hear a male voice—I know it’s Brandon. I instantly feel panicky. I haven’t showered in a few days, and I haven’t gotten ready for the day yet. Even though it’s late afternoon, I’ve been working and cleaning for days. Ew. I feel so gross. I jump up and run to the bathroom before they can make it down the hall. I cringe as I slam the door a little too hard.
Brityn knocks on the door a few seconds later and says, “Colie? Is everything okay?” She uses my childhood nickname, so I know she’s concerned about me.
I hesitate and say, “Yeah… I’m just getting ready for the day really quick.”
I don’t have time to shower, so I wash my face, put on a little makeup, and fix my bun. I haven’t dried or straightened my hair in weeks. Oh well, I’m too busy to worry about looking my best. Besides, who am I trying to impress anyway?
Build Mental Strength. Live Beyond Pain. 